C25K, or Couch to Five Kilometres if you love words, is a 10-week programme that takes you from “I can’t run!” to “I mean, I’m better but this is still awful!”. I have attempted C25K before and, as is my nature, succeeded easily. In fact, I have two medals from my local 10k in Ireland (I only did it once, my nephews were giving out the medals and each wanted to give me one). Since that time, I’ve kind of fallen out of the whole running thing. I did successfully complete C25K since moving to the UK but then I ran directly into a metal pole (the physical object, not my pitch for Polish Iron Man) and then stopped because it hurt to breathe for long enough that I probably should have gone to a doctor. Hell, this isn’t even the first time I’ve tried C25k this year, although that was put on hold by slipping on the stairs and it hurting to breathe for long enough that I probably should have gone to the doctor.

Anyway, it’s a good, well-structured programme and the JustRun app is very good. When it comes to exercise it’s the only thing I’ve come across where I’m like “Yeah, that won’t be awful”. Now to be clear, it is awful, but all exercise is awful so all you can do is put on your AliExpress Bluetooth headband pick some music and go. Any music is good, you can even go with a podcast or audiobook if you don’t mind the constant distraction of your own traitorous body falling apart. However, if you want to reach your full potential you need a soundtrack to keep you engaged, motivated and bopping.

And so, I’d like to present to you some content that no AI ever could, not because it’s forged by the true spark of human creativity but rather because I don’t think anyone would ever ask for this.

A Review of the Soundtrack of Sonic 2 for the Megadrive through the lens of motivation for C25K

If you gotta go fast (Which you really don’t, it’s more about building up endurance) then who better to inspire you than your personal hero and idol; Sonic 2?  Honestly, probably a lot of things, but one day the Mystic Cave Zone music is in your head and you’re like “Maybe this will work?” and, not to spoil the premise of this entire blog but yeah, kinda? Anyways, let’s get to it.

Emerald Hill Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. I mean, it’s mostly playing in the 5-minute walking warmup section but it focuses the mind.  Soon you too will be speeding along through the verdant lands, beset by enemies (mechanical piranhas/people who are walking like 5 dogs). It’s pretty good, probably good to run to but I don’t decide the playlist order. I mean I could but somehow making your own Sonic 2 playlist feels infinitely worse than just looking one up.

Chemical Plant Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. There’s a bit in this one where it does some fake synth saxophone and, let me tell you, I do a serious head waggle to it. It’s great, so great that when I looked at my armband and it said I had 7 seconds until I needed to start running, I didn’t even wait, I had to capitalise on this jam. That’s power.

Aquatic Ruin Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. Sure, it’s a definite downgrade from Chemical Plant Zone but you can’t expect every moment to eclipse the last. You can’t live your life like that, reader. There’s always some Aquatic Ruin in life, you need to appreciate it for what it is.

Casino Night Zone

Yeah, this is a bop… but it felt bad to be breathless and trudging through the woods while listening to this one because it feels a bit mocking. I think it’s the big synth brass? It’s like it’s saying “you spun and lost, my friend. Now endure the 100 spiky balls that are going to zip in at you”. Cruel.

Hill Top Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. This was actually pretty fun to run to. There’s something about its deeply irritating whine that transcends all notions of good and bad. It also goes “doddle do dodo dodo dodo WeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeee” at the start, just what you need in life.

Mystic Cave Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. This is perhaps the greatest piece of music in history, if the merit of music is determined by how often it gets stuck in my head. For clarity, I would like to say this is a bad metric as the charts would always be dominated by Mystic Cave Zone and Why Have You Brought Me Here? from Phantom of the Opera. You gotta give new artists a chance, you know? Although now I say that, maybe I should be running to Phantom of the Opera. I can just skip Masquerade, that’s allowed.

Oil Ocean Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. It’s good but is it running good? No, it’s not. I need something concrete to motivate me. This is too… wiggly?  Like come on, Oil Ocean, I’ve got real stuff to do.

Metropolis Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. There comes a time in the life of an old warrior where he feels more kinship with those he fought than with those he fought to protect. I used to hate this stage but now we are as brothers. It knows my struggles, it knows my strife, knows how much I hated that starfish enemy that just exploded. If you gotta get through the part of your run that goes through the carpark, this is the song you want on your side.

Sky Chase Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. I was a bit worried about this one, would it’s pure, digital serenity sap me of my will to keep running? No, never. Though, it did help that I was going down a hill at this point.

Wing Fortress Zone

Yeah, this is a bop. Unfortunately, it came on during a walking part. What a waste, it’s so triumphant. I guess it’s getting me mentally prepared for the big challenge, the last five minutes, so I allowed its powerful heroism to lift me up.

Death Egg Zone Part 1

This was not a bop! What is this? It’s like a fever dream. I have to run to this? In this moment I wondered if I should just skip back to Chemical Plant Zone to get me through, but I didn’t know if I was wearing the AliExpress headband that can skip songs or the one that changes the volume. Fun fact, both of them ring my mother if you long press the up button (I am not suggesting calling my mother is a universal feature of these headbands, I’m pretty sure it just calls the last person you called),

Death Egg Zone Part 2

Now THIS is a bop! I can feel the power, urging me forward. I’m nearly there, final boss. I can do this. I reach the end of my route; arms spread in triumph. Wait, I’m at the gate of the woods and there’s still like 30 seconds left. Ah damn it, I gotta run on the footpath. This is awful.

All Clear

Yeah, this is a bop. The triumphant music of the ending plays, congratulating me as I stumble out onto the road. Honestly, the swell at the end of this kind of gets me in a way I should be embarrassed about. Then again, if I wanted to avoid being embarrassed, I probably wouldn’t tell you the last person I called is nearly always my mother. (Sometimes she doesn’t answer WhatsApp so you have to actually ring her with your actual phone, look it’s normal).

Staff Role

Yeah, these are the bops. The last 5 minute cooldown happens with this megamix of all the classics, also some of the music from the 2 player stages I don’t quite remember but is pretty cool. It’s a good way to cap it all off. I am hero, I have done it.

Special Stage

No! I’m done! I wanna turn this off! The stupid plastic armband my phone is in makes it not recognise my fingerprint. Maybe if I just hold down the button on my headband it’ll just canc- oh, hey mam. Yeah, just running right now, hit this by accident. Oh… who’s funeral was it? Ah yeah, I don’t think I ever met them, but I’d probably know them to see them.

Conclusion

Yeah, it works. Would I do it again? Well, I’m only on like week 5 so I have to do it again. Oh, you mean the music? Well, should have been more specific with your question but yeah, sure.

Anyways, I better go lie down.